The Devil Went Down to Tulsa…

On Tuesday, January 8th I think I met the devil himself. Call it a "rite of passage," good training, or just plain cruel, but whatever it was I don't ever want to do it again. This day was the long awaited OC (pepper) spray day. Every person reading this who has been sprayed in the past or just wants to enjoy the agony of an APO, keep reading.

We knew this was the scheduled day for OC. The morning was all classroom and test review. The instructors could have told us this test would determine our fate and we still would have been just as lethargic. We were as nervous as we had ever been and nothing else mattered. The only thing we knew was in a matter of hours we would be wishing that Jesus Christ Himself could lay hands on us.

Four of us went to lunch before we got sprayed. I wasn't very hungry and I just can't imagine why. I just know that I am SO thankful for the sense of humor of my friends. I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long. I think a lot of it was nerves and part of it was the third grade jokes.

We returned to the academy dragging our feet across the parking lot. I tried to keep a positive attitude but it was really hard considering the pain I knew I was facing. Then I remembered the words of my classmate from the same morning, "It shouldn't hurt, I like hot food. I put Tabasco on everything and wasabi doesn't even bother me." You're probably laughing as hard as I was.

It was game time and I think all of us wanted our mommies. The guys that had been sprayed before were the first to be sprayed. So as each one of them runs through the gym they make it look really easy. It's like watching ice-skating and realizing that it's not as easy as sliding across your icy driveway, slipping and doing some kind of hop thing.

I just wanted to get it over with as all of us did. We had to spray each other, which I hated just as much as getting sprayed. It's my turn to spray one of my classmates. Yay for me, I had to spray one of the nicest guys in my class. Spray number one, not good enough; spray number 2 not good enough; finally spray number three was a new can and he got hosed. Man I felt bad, really bad.

Now it was my turn. The instructors were trying to make me mad but the only thing I could do was laugh on the inside. I knew this was one of the worst things I could ever experience. Well, now, there is a twist to all this. After you get sprayed you have to handle a suspect. This means you have to fight, shoot, do something to the "bad guy" after you've been sprayed. OK here we go…I get sprayed not once but twice. I handle the bad guy and go back into the gym where I have to do this all over again (minus getting sprayed again). I finish the scenario by handcuffing someone.

By this time my face feels like someone has dumped lighter fluid on me and set me on fire. I don't even want to think about opening my eyes and my eyes won't allow it anyway. I can hear several of my classmates around me. I can hear someone say, "Just keep running in circles it's the only thing that helps." Once I finally get my eyes open I can finally see where everyone it standing, laying, sitting, kneeling, you name it. I look across the parking lot and see the same classmate who thought "no big deal I eat hot food" kneeling in the parking and, by all appearances, praying. I guess consuming multitudes of hot food really doesn't assist you when your face is on fire.

We tried everything to keep from getting hot and the last thing we wanted to do was sweat. There was no delay in leaving the academy that day. I just wanted to stop burning and I didn't care how. Unfortunately I knew as soon as I got in the shower it was going to start all over again.

If we had to do that all the time I don't know how many of us would still be around. This was by FAR the worst day of the academy. There is nothing like rubbing cayenne peppers on your face and in your eyes. Oh, and then re-activating it when you get in the shower. Priceless.

I don't think I've ever done anything to deserve that, and don't ever want to. The devil can go back to wherever he came from.

APO Amy Hoehner

Comments

[RWC]

Your best story yet!! Remember when you shower after getting pepper sprayed lean WAY out DON'T let the water run down on you!!

[Kevin]

Not to be crude, but I remember taking the shower after getting sprayed and running through the house in the buff, bouncing off walls trying to get to the window AC unit. It was comical.